Just to say im sorry to all of you who ive hurt. Especially you kyle. I might have said i didnt care than but now i realized how much you meant to me at that time. Im sorry to scott and meaghan too. Im also sorry for hurting you  too ivan. For all of those how ive hurt there will be a scar on my left arm for all of you. Two for kyle tho since i hurt him twice and more than the rest. I cant handle much more of the stress that im getting and thinking more and more about suicide now. I cant help it. I guess maybe to say how sorry i trully am. But none of us are all at fault. We have the same fault as anyone else does. Maybe i wasnt meant to stay in this world too long yanno? Maybe thats why i cant handle all of this. Im just to pathetic and weak. I may seem happy but trully im not. It haunts me every night. The guilt and all the pain ive caused to everyone. Maybe i was conceited and selfish. Well now you guys might not have to deal with that much longer. Yes im changing but maybe something might come into the way. Im also sorry to matt, kelli, ivan, kyle, scott, and meaghan. There will be a scar for everyone one of you to see how sorry i am and to see that the pain will never go away. Even tho it may have seemed i didnt hurt kelli or matt i still feel like i hurt them in some way.

Im sorry.. Too all of you.. Maybe this will be the last time you'll ever hear from me.. Good bye.

So you call me a slut? What about you? A manwhore? Hmm.. So ive heard that you been sleeping with many women and you go off calling me a slut? Well many people dont know this.. For your info too meaghan. Maybe i changed because of you. Why may you ask? Remember that day i so called " lead you on " Well i felt forced to have sex with you because you wanted to. And you know that i tried to push you off and yet you still insisted to make your own self satisfied. Maybe thats why i changed. Things were going great those three days of me being single. I just stood there at school with my CD player on and minding my own buisness. Not talking to anybody unless they started to talk to me.  Then i only started to change when being back with you. Your the one who changed me into this person you call a slut. Because now i cant seem to know who to trust anymore. Because of all those bullshit lies meaghan and scott have been hearing. You know what? That day i went to the beach with alyse, marihan, and matt wong. I remember telling my friends I went to the beach with a long shirt that came past my knees. My underwear and bra on. That big shirt was dark blue. Not white for those of you heard. My plan was to sit on the sand but no i was forced to go into the water. I got threatened to get left in waikiki not knowing how the buses work there and with no money. So not only did i get pushed into the water but had no choice. So i wasnt trying to be a slut that day. That day was just a fucked up day. And yes this weblog entry is Matt Maeda aproved. Matt agrees with me that this weblog entry is true and that everybody should understand why ive changed in the past month. Now seeing that im changing for the better not only for me but for my friends as well. To make them happy as myself too. That time in our relationship the only person i could really trust and talk too was matt and he understands why and is proud of what im trying to change myself into.

A Note From Matt-
"hello people, just so you know what it means to be matt approved. The meaning is from someone who watches events and calculates them. As well as supervises all points of psychological results in approval of a particular situation. Its also keeping at afar of making noparty feel that they are being favored so the ending result is calculated based on a neutral party. Thanks for reading XD" back to brit

Just so that Meaghan understands. Scott understands the whole situation and is with me through the whole changing. And so are you meaghan. But yeah. Get back safely meaghan and hope you have fun in cali.

Its hard to see who's your trustfull friends anymore. Yanno? I know whom to trust but the question do they trust me?

Um.. Lets see... So yeah.. If i really didnt care than i wouldnt have gave you another chance. I had two choices.. One. Not to go back and live my life again or two go back to you.. I did two and went back to you. That really did show that i cared.

Aside from that. Been cruising with iris, bronsen, scott, meaghan,  and alot of other people. Thats all i really have to say so jaa ne!

"This life of mines seems to be a never ending dream, but till the day we get back together is when it all stops"

our last kiss
tasted like tobacco
a bitter and sad smell

tomorrow, at this time
where will you be?
who will you be thinking about?

you are always gonna be my love
even if I fall in love with someone once again
I'll remember to love
you taught me how
you are always gonna be the one
it's still a sad song
until I can sing a new song

the paused time is
about to start moving
there's many things that I don't want to forget about

tomorrow, at this time
I will probably be crying
I will probably be thinking about you

you will always be inside my heart
you will always have your own place
I hope that I have a place in your heart too
now and forever you are still the one
it's still a sad song
until I can sing a new song

you are always gonna be my love
even if I fall in love with someone once again
I'll remember to love
you taught me how
you are always gonna be the one
it's still a sad song
until I can sing a new song

Well lets see.. Im still single. Feels like some of my closet friends have just abonded me. Some of them want me to change for them and make me misarable becasuse of my "bad" actions. I feel like there is no meaning to the world anymore and that i should just drop dead as everybody probably wants me to. Family life.. Shit. My mom is just pissing me more off and making me even more depressed and maybe even suicidal. see my dad understands me and thats why i trust him so much more than i do then my mother. My grades? There just fine and great. I love my grades. Its the best i have ever gotten. Makes me wonder if im just better off single and not give a shit about anything or everything. but that would make me seem selfish. II sont want to do that. Sometimes it also makes me wonder if im just better off being a loner at school. But i dont know anymore. Blah.. Shouldnt really care anymore. I sure dont. Life just fucks me over little by little. Piece by piece.. And friends by friends..

Maybe the world would be a better place.. Without this one person.